IT'S YOUR MUG ANNIVERSARY ISSUE Patrick Washington   OCTOBER 31 2005 This Halloween I betcha White power punks are shaking in Steel-toed disbelief Flipping through mutilated bibles for reassurance So scared their neck hairs stood up like Nazis I betcha Terrifying tales are jumping across Camp fires Bonfires Burning crosses The charred remains of segregation Their mouths agape with Ash covered faces now who’s the jiggaboo? Hearts banging on ribs as they relive That terrible, terrible day A black woman said no Walls tumble and Panic-stricken they screamed Take that crown off on this bus! Hold your head down! My children are watching but Instead all they got was the Great grandma to the almighty Don’t give me no bullshit ‘cuz this is NOT the day Talk to the hand eyeroll This is the story that makes Grown men under sheets The real Hood Rats Squeal like bitches Leave little yellow spots Huddle together in darkness Mortified knowing that Somewhere Strom Thurmond stood up And walked to the back Cuz that’s HER seat Somewhere Tom Metzger cringes at all the honor that His passing will never get And Somewhere This Halloween I betcha Horrified little racist boys realize the terrible reality Has transcended into legend forevermore Like a ravens nevermore And now a strong defiant black woman Sits silently in the front of their dreams   BIG Yeah I know my head is big It takes a full two seconds for smiles to Get across my face That’s enough time to wonder Is it gas? Is he in pain? OH, he’s happy! I’ve got a dome that screams for tape measure That hats can’t accommodate That begs for comedy Teachers love me for my circumference diameter & sheer volume Stetsons avoid me For much the same reason & Mr. Potato heads pop out their eyes to avert their gaze In shame when I walk in the room I once loved a woman with a head like mine She should be thankful we never had children Her episiotomy would’ve looked like a C section See, this head’s got girth Wattage be damned Cabinet speakers are muted when (………) blocks them My head is a black hole of sound I give great head Because I give LOTS of it Head bands scream in agony at the Easter island proportions You would want to be stranded on an island with me Because pilots can always see a balloon of hair from a mile up Damn right I’m smart See, I’ve thought it out— Sat up front ‘nuff times to know my ass should be in the back Got broke down ‘nuff times in public to learn how to make fun of yourself before they can So now I look at my poor son and the massive trait he’s inherited Hopeful that he’ll at least get his mother's locks Knowing that one day I’ll have to wipe his tears & tell him “Son, I know it’s a burden but I’m sure we’re supposed to have this shit ‘cuz we’re the only ones with the shoulders To carry it”     MR. FANTASTIC I have decided to rename my dick Mr. Fantastic not due to any particular powers freak radioactive mishaps Nor the ability to stretch to incredible lengths But because just like the comic book hero I have Tufts of grey hair growing on either side of my Temples Down there Like sideburns Or a beard Apparently I have a wise cock (Although certain women may testify otherwise) This has been cultivating for years now aside from the maverick silver strand on my mane I’ve been basically grey hair free Except for the undercarriage The steam shovel The lance The “Washington Post” Shit was cool in my 20’s I had set up lines so chicks wouldn’t be suprised “If ya really like ya bling girl I’ve got Silva’ Balls…” But now I’m in my 30’s ya’ll & they’re just starting to look - MATURE Some women never noticed but others got downright dick-centric… scrutinizing me while asking, “what color are the male pubic hairs on your father's side?” but I never minded interrogation if it Included torture The last one talented enough to Go down GOOD was 28 - going on eighty Went down looking like the bearded lady I laugh at the box of dyes in my closet betting Ms. Garnier never thought she’d be THIS close to my taint Till realizing I am no mistake So I will not white-out what God has given me Besides, maintenance is key ‘cuz Tweezing aint happening Waxing’s what’s done to cars and Razors won’t touch these bags anymore so All I can do is keep them trimmed sharp dignified worthy of admiration In hopes that the rest of me Will catch up   Seeking to become an acolyte of the legendary DJ Renegade, Patrick Washington, aka Black Picasso, came to the weekly “It’s Your Mug” readings & instead discovered an artistic family, eventually earning a name as one of the country's premier performance poets. His early work with the Generation 2000 poetry collective led to recorded projects for BET/Emerge Magazine's “Strength of a Woman Tribute to Betty Shabazz.” His work has been published in Life through Black Eyes (Rom Publications), a collection of words and photography. A semi-regular on HBO’s Russell Simmons presents Def Poetry, he has opened for artists such as Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, The Roots, Talib Kweli, and Floetry, along with his lyrical partner naturalaw-dp as part of the hip-hop/poetry duo Poem-Cees. ...and he will always be “Rio” to Toni.   Published in Volume 10:2, Spring 2009.