E. Ethelbert Miller   CONVERSATION I told her...she had very nice hips. She told me...I shouldn't be looking around corners. I said...I like to see where I'm going.   SCIENCE When you were in elementary school no one told you about the black laws of cause and effect. Your science teacher failed to teach you about why a police club struck against a black man's head in the south results in a house burning down in the north or how prejudice can make a store clerk's smile turn into a coldness below freezing. You often wonder while waiting in line how you can become invisible to every atom in the world. You try to understand the reason for your condition. All the blues you know cannot defy gravity. All the jazz you hear cannot keep you from exploding like a star. Stevens Carter, "The Embrace" see more of Stevens Carter's work       HELEN sometimes after someone has hit a foul the umpire will toss a new ball back to the pitcher the pitcher will catch it look at it rub it then toss it back and ask that umpire for a new ball just the other night i'm making love to helen and it feels strange helen got her eyes all closed she's squirming and moaning but you can tell she's thinking about someone else i run my fingers down her back like i'm tracing the seams on a ball REBECCA will i hate mirrors? will i hate reflections? will i hate to dress? will i hate to undress? jim my husband tells me it won't matter if i have one or two two or one it doesn't matter he says but it does i know it does this is my body this is not south africa or nicaragua this is my body losing a war against cancer and there are no demonstrators outside the hospital to scream stop there is only jim sitting in the lobby wondering what to say the next time we love and his hands move towards my one surviving breast how do we convince ourselves it doesn't matter? how do i embrace my own nakedness now that it is no longer complete? OMAR'S HOUSE most of my socks have holes in them so when I get to omar's house the first thing I hear in my head is my momma's voice talking about you never know what might happen to you when you go out the door that's why you gotta have clean undies and socks without holes and i'm thinking about this when I see all them shoes waiting by the front door of omar's house like the beginning of one of those samurai movies omar pushes me away from the door while I balance on one leg trying to get my shoes off and maybe get a chance to twist my sock around so no one notice the big hole but then omar's daddy extends his hand and says as salaam alaikum and I just mumble something like i'm happy to be here and I really don't know where I am except I know that omar is a muslim the first one I ever met who didn't wear a bowtie or try to sell me a newspaper omar looks like me except he has hair you can comb quickly my momma say don't be talking about good hair and bad hair anymore because that type of thinking is backwards what's important is what's under your hair and if you have a hat rack instead of a head then it don't mean no never mine about what kind of hair you have and as salaam alaikum omar's daddy says again so I smooth the top of my head and stand up straight and look him in the eye and he smiles and tells me to put my shoes down so now i'm ready to enter omar's house and the first thing I notice is the living room don't have no furniture no couch no lamp no coffee table just some nice rugs the kind you see in the street and nobody buys because they're too expensive and if you don't have a vacuum cleaner or you have a dog or cat there will be no way for you to keep it clean so it be best for you to just look at it and think it's a magic rug and maybe one day you fly away from the garbage on the sidewalk and near the curb omar touch me on my arm so gentle you think he was a girl he is a quiet boy and my momma says he different from the rest he doesn't curse and everything he does he does with his right hand and then his daddy says it's time for prayer and I look at him confused because what am I suppose to do the last time my momma took me to church was easter sunday and the only reason we went was because she got herself a mink coat and she said I want everyone to see what your daddy got me so I don't remember too much about jesus or the crucifixion only thing I know is that my momma was the happiest momma alive when she walked down the aisle and sat in the front row of sweet savior of the regiment first congregational church everyone nodded at my momma and she whispered to me and said every believer in the lord should dress well god don't like no riffraff I look at my socks and i'm about to die omar says the holy quran is the book I should read and why his house seems like a church I don't know all I know is that I like it here the sweet smell of incense the plants in the window the soft music coming from the next room you omar's friend his daddy asks yes sir I say i'm omar's friend from school we in the same class and I live around the corner and I never met a muslim before not a real muslim not in this neighborhood no--and you ain't no a-rab because my momma saw you in the supermarket and she told my daddy you was black and nice because you said excuse me in front of the vegetables as you reached for a plastic bag and in all her years of shopping nobody ever said excuse me to my momma especially on a saturday morning OMAR IN SCHOOL sometimes my daddy argues with my momma sometimes it's about rent or why my shoes suddenly grew small my momma tell me one thing my daddy tell me something else which is why I don't do too good in school especially with math problems like how long will it take you to get to cleveland if you left the day after tomorrow and the train only runs on the weekends and the bus cost $21.00? so how am I to figure if it's day or night? my daddy tells me to just look out the window and we don't have family in cleveland--anyway I tell this to my teacher and she thinks i'm a smartass she don't say this but I know what she's thinking she's thinking why can't I be like omar omar says yes ma'am and no ma'am I like omar but he doesn't know everything just yesterday I ask omar about jesus I ask omar did jesus have a dog? omar says he don't know I tell omar you stupid you don't know how a man gonna walk on water with a cat? so he must have a dog a dog be a real disciple I don't know what my momma believes she thinks i'm just foolish in the head my daddy thinks omar is strange boy too old for his face he tells me looks like he knows everything no--I whisper to myself omar doesn't know the train to cleveland only runs on the weekends   E. Ethelbert Miller is a poet and the author of five collections of poetry, including Where Are the Love Poems for Dictators? and most recently, Whispers, Secrets and Promises. He is also the editor of In Search of Color Everywhere. Miller's memoir, Fathering Words: The Making of an African American Writer was published in June 2000 by St. Martin's Press. Published in Volume 1, Number 3, Summer 2000.   To read more by this author: Miller's Tribute to Sterling Brown: The Memorial Issue E. Ethelbert Miller: The Wartime Issue E. Ethelbert Miller: DC Places Issue E. Ethelbert Miller on Ed Cox: The Profiles Issue E. Ethelbert Miller: Evolving City Issue E. Ethelbert Miller: Split This Rock Issue E. Ethelbert Miller: Langston Hughes Tribute Issue